Tales of the New Kid
by Pengolene
Summary: The sun has risen on a new day in South Park and a red car drives into the quiet little mountain town, and with it comes a New Kid that would save the town. Takes place during The Stick of Truth. M rating for language and mature themes. Slight Kenny and Douchebag shipping
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: The story begins...**

 _Deep in the lands of Zaron, the humans of Kupa Keep struggle to stay alive as they are attacked by the wicked Drow elves of Larina. Darkness falls as the humans beg their king to save them, a noble king known only as the grand wizard. For a thousand years the battle has been waged, with only the bravery of the Grand Wizard to protect his human followers. But even the Wizard King is so undeniably cool; the Drow Elf armies continue their attacks. They seek the humans' most treasured relic, the Stick of Truth. But the tides of war are soon to change, as news of a "new" kid spreads throughout the land. In order to save the humans, the Grand Wizard must get to the new kid before the Drow elves can manipulate his mind and use him to take the sacred relic from human hands. For whoever controls the Stick, controls the universe…_

It was early in the morning, right before the sun was due to rise. The horizon glowed softly along the mountain range. On a lonely road that barely saw any traffic, drove a small red family car followed by a moving truck. In the passenger seat sat a woman with shoulder length brown hair and wearing a plain dark green shirt. In the driver seat was as man with short brown hair and wearing a white button up shirt. In the backseat was a 10 year old child who was currently fast asleep. She had short brown hair that almost touched her shoulders and wore a black hoodie with the hood pulled over her head. At a quick look you might have thought she was a boy, but that was the point her parents were trying to put across.

The woman looked at back at the sleeping child before looking at the man. The man noticed her glance, keeping his eyes on the road, "We'll be there soon."

The early afternoon sun shone over the little mountain town known as South Park, a rather strange and...Well, let's just say there is nothing normal about this mountain town.

The school was already out and the kids were in the streets playing. The story takes place in a red house with a "Sold" sign in the front yard, and a moving van that was parked out in front of the house. A man was busy taking the last few boxes into the house. Inside a woman was busy unpacking a few plates and setting them on a table while a man was taking a box from the movers, "I think that's everything." He said as he put the box down. The woman smiled, "We did it hon. We're really moved in." The man wrapped his arms around her and the two of them shared a hug. "It's a new beginning for us. Things are finally be good." "Do you really think it will be better for…him?" The woman sounded uncertain as she spoke…

New Kid POV

I was standing in my room next to my bed; I had just finished unpacking some of my clothes and was currently just observing my room. It was kinda bland and plain but it was quite large, well it larger than my previous room. This was nothing new; it had been the 4th time we had moved in the past 5 years. Each new town was smaller and more secluded than the next. Somewhere along the line I forgot why we moved so much, my parents never talked about it and I didn't really care.

I looked up as I heard a knock at my door, "Sweetie, hon you all dressed?" I heard my mom ask before she opened the door. Both my parents stepped into my room, "Hey Champ, how do you like you're new room?" my dad asked me. I gave the room a quick glance around before looking back at my parents. Oh by the way, I don't talk much. I barely talk at all, mainly because I didn't have any friends to talk to, plus I didn't like talking to my parents either. They were a bit strange and odd for my taste, they've started treating me like a boy and call me son and shit like that. For some reason my parents tried to keep my identity a secret and lied to people about who and what I was. Like I said, they were strange.

My dad continued, "I know it's a big change for us…" well no, we've moved before. "…But son, do you remember why we moved to this quiet little mountain town?" what kind of a question that? You never brought this up before, why now? Maybe this was finally going to be our permanent home…yeah right, lets see how long this lasts.

When I didn't give a response, my parents looked at each other and spoke in a whisper so that I couldn't hear, not that I cared to listen. My mother was the first to speak up, "Uh, sweetie, we want you to have lots of fun here. Why don't you go out and make some friends?" That was a first. "Right. Get outside and play son…like normal kids." My dad said agreeing with her. "We left some money on the kitchen counter for you sweetie. Just be back before it gets dark." My mom said with a smile on her face.

My parents looked at me as if they were expecting some sort of a response. "Ha ha. Good luck with that." I laughed mentally. "Yeah we love you too." My dad said sarcastically before they both left, closing the door behind them. I wondered over to my closet and put on my sneakers before heading downstairs, first heading to the kitchen where my mom was busy with something. I took the money sitting on the counter and shoved it into my jacket. I gave my mom an apathetic look before leaving, heading into the living room where my dad was sitting in the living room, doing something on his phone. I mentally waved at him before reaching the front door and opening it, stepping outside…


	2. Chapter 2: Princess, Paladin and wizard

New Kids POV

The moment I stepped out of the house, my face was hit by a cold breeze. It was winter time and the entire town was covered in snow and the weather was cold. Why we moved here was beyond me. Maybe my parents wanted to get away from the busy city life.

I walked along the side, looking around. It was surprisingly quiet, well for a moment it was. "You shall die by my war hammer Drow Elf." "Na ah." I looked forward and saw two boys busy…playing? The one was dressed like an elf, with the pointy ears and Peter Pan looking clothes. The other boy was dressed in; well I couldn't quite place it. He looked like some kind of a mage. "I banish thee to the forest realm." The blond shouted out before the elf retorted, "Na ah, I banish you first!"

I stood silently and watched them for a little while until the elf kid managed to shove the other boy to the ground, "Ah ha, you can't hold out much longer." The pointy eared kid said with a smug smirk on his face he stood over the blond and was about to hit him. "Help somebody! I can't hold out much longer!" the blond kid cried out as he cowered beneath the other boy. It was at this point that I decided to intervene.

I quickly walked over and grabbed the back of the elf kid's shirt before pulling him back. He stumbled backwards before turning to face me. He was about to say something, but I punched him in the face, knocking him to the ground before he could speak. He glared up at me as he held the right side of his face which was starting to turn red from the punch. "Hey that's cheating! I'm gonna tell my mom!" he stood up quickly before running off. Yeah, and what is she gonna do about it dick? I rolled my eyes slightly before turning around and looking down at the blond boy still lying on the ground. I held out my hand to help him up. He hesitated, probably because of what just happened but he soon took my hand and I pulled him up. He took a moment to dust off his clothes. I got a better look at what he was wearing now, he wore a light blue shirt with matching pants that was held up by a rope of some kind that had two small pouches attached to it, and on his shirt was a golden shield like emblem. Around his head was a golden headband that held a red jewel and to finish the outfit off was a dark blue cape that was tied around his neck.

Once he was done dusting off, he looked at me with a smile, "Thanks kid. I didn't realise he has a health potion." Health potion? So they are playing some kind of game. He gave a small bow as he introduced himself, "My name is Butters the Merciful. I'm a paladin. I live next door to you. We should friends." His name is Butters? Well I had to admit it was kinda cute. We both took out our phones and exchanged numbers and followed each other on Facebook. Well I guess we were friends now.

He smiled almost happily as he put his phone away, "Now that we're friends, you should speak to the wizard king. He's been talking of your arrival." He pointed down the street to a green house before starting to walk in its direction. "The wizard lives this way. In the green house over there." I shrugged slightly before following him.

He started asking a whole lot of questions, like where I was from, whether or not I liked Colorado, why my hair was the way it was, he even made a comment about the fact that I didn't speak. He lastly stated that he would do the talking for us both, well duh, I don't talk. We soon reached the green house and Butters knocked on the door. A few moments later a fat kid dressed in a dark pink robe with a light blue belt tied around it. And on his head was a blue wizard hat with a star on it. And in his hand he held a long wooden staff. Butters raised his arms and called out, "All hail the Grand Wizard." I raised a brow, glancing at the fat kid or should I rather say wizard. He looked at before speaking, "You must be the new kid. Your coming was foretold by Coldwell Banker. But the time for talk is not neigh." Neigh? These kids must really be taking this game seriously. "Let me show you my kingdom." Does he mean his house? He stepped aside to let me and Butters into the house. I stepped inside with Butters following me.

Looking around the house, I spotted a woman on the couch; she was currently busy on her phone. I guessed was the Wizards mother. She wore a light blue blouse and red pants. Her hair was tied up in a bun. She seemed pretty nice and sweet. As we walked past her, she looked up from her phone, "Oh who's your little friend Eric?" So I'm guessing Eric is the Wizard. "Shut mom. Not now." The fat kid responded to her. Ok now I'm sure this guy is a dick.

The 3 of us walked through the kitchen, reaching a glass sliding door that led to the back yard. Eric slid open the door and we stepped outside. Eric spread out his arms, gesturing to his backyard, "Welcome…To the Kingdom of Kuppa Keep." He said sounding kinda proud…I still think he's a dick. But looking around the backyard, I had to say it was pretty impressive. There was a castle built out of cardboard boxes. Around the castle was a bunch of stuff crafted out random junk. The two most prominent things was a small sand box with some strings tied around it, it kinda looked like a mini boxing ring. And the other thing looked like a small weapons shop. There were three other kids in the yard. Two were definitely boys, the third one…I wasn't really sure if it was a dude or a chick. They were dressed as Zelda, dress, hair and all. And I had to admit, they looked good. One of the boys was standing at the weapons shop, dressed as a knight. The other was standing the sand pit, petting a cat that was also in the box. His tongue was sticking out of his mouth slightly. I couldn't quite place his costume. He wore a green hoodie with a belt going over his one shoulder, and attached to it were a few small medical bottles and syringes. This meant one of two things, either he was a drug addict or he had a medical condition, and honestly, I preferred the second option.

Eric walked over to the knight kid, placing his hand on the boys shoulder as he introduced him, "Our weapons shop is tended by Clyde, a level 14 warrior." Clyde the warrior got it. Eric then walked over to the boy in the sandbox, "Here you can see our massive stables, tended by the level 9 Ranger Scott Malkenson, who has the power of Diabetes." The power of Diabetes? How does that work? I'll ask Scott later. Finally the wizard walked over to the kid dressed as Zelda, "And here of course we have the breath taking and lovely Princess Kenny, the fairest maiden in all the kingdom." So…she's a chick? Before I could think any further, the fatass whispered to me, "Don't ask why Kenny wanted to be a chick. That's just how his rolling right now." So…Kenny's a dude? I looked him up and down and I had to admit, the outfit suited him. I wonder what he looks like underneath those clothes…mainly because he wore an orange parka under his princess dress and the hood was hiding his face. All I could see were his eyes, his beautiful…blue…eyes…

I was pulled from my thoughts when the Eric cleared his whispered to Butters, "I think he's checking out Kenny." I raised a brow and almost laughed. These guys really thought I was a boy. I might as well dick around with these guys for a while and pretend to be a dude. Besides, I don't think they would was a girl to play with them. Young boys were so sexiest.

Eric cleared his throat, "You've been sought out new kid because humans everywhere are in great danger. I need something from you and in return, I am prepared to allow you into my kingdom. I know you are very excited." Not really. This is just mildly interesting. "It's time for your first quest. But first tell us thy name." I stood there in silence. Of course this was going to come up. However I was not ready to talk to them. I just met these guys and honestly there leader seemed to be a bit of a dick. So…I took out my phone and took a moment to think of a nickname they could call me. I mentally smirked as I typed out the name and set it to Butters. A beep went off and Butters took out his phone, reading my message. He looked at me in shock before showing the message to Eric. The fatass almost chuckled, "You entered the name Douchebag. Are you sure you want to be called Douchebag?" a small grin formed on his face. I kept a blank expression as I nodded. "Very well Douchebag. You will now pick a class: fighter, mage, thief or Jew?" ….wait...what was that last one?


End file.
